Aught

Curbing my swearing habit is not going well. My procrastination has caught up with me and I am under a lot of pressure lately. I frequently restrain the impulse to destroy things around me. Anger persists under every emotion. My mood oscillates between fury and boredom, while a laugh can seldom be elicited. I periodically remind myself that my troubles are trivial and largely brought on by myself, while people suffer immeasurably in places I cannot even pronounce. It seems little consolation.

I will leave this town for good the day I finish my last exam. The repetitious routines, interactions, and obligations wear a man down. The joys that come with helping people and repairing their bicycles are few and far between these days. I have worked the same job for over seven years and it is time to say goodbye.

I await the time to load my welding equipment and motorcycle into my truck and disappear.

Commitment

For years I have considered living aboard a sailboat and taking an extended voyage at some point. With that in mind I thought I should learn celestial navigation so that I would have a backup in case my GPS failed. Over a year ago I purchased a sextant to practice celestial navigation. I kept forgetting to bring it to the beach when visiting my family and generally slacked on learning the fundamentals, but I finally resorted to using an artificial horizon and learning today. What a rewarding skill to learn! I used a cheap plastic sextant to find my latitude and longitude to within a few minutes (60ths of a degree). I will continue learning about celestial navigation, such as the lunar distance method and plotting a course.

I have also been on a kick of abstaining from various habits for month-long stretches. Last night I decided to refrain from cursing for the next month. I don't necessarily think cursing is wrong or unsavory, I just want to challenge myself to exercise more self-control over a habit I don't consciously engage in.

New Year's resolutions are not really my thing, but I am trying to follow through with my goals more consistently. I read recently that telling people your goals is a bad habit that can cause you not to follow through with them. When you tell people about your ambitions it can make you feel partially accomplished for verbally "committing" to the goal. It defaces your resolve to publicly claim something and not follow through. Nobody reads this anyway so I guess it doesn't count, right?

Lazy Luddite

I am currently procrastinating studying for tomorrow morning's calculus final and I finally realized why I dislike studying math and chemistry--I can only replicate others' discoveries and will never build upon them. I work these problems perfunctorily with no desire to advance upon them. Mathematical modeling leads to optimization of technology and economy. Chemistry advances our ability to compile inert materials into toxic substances with which to pollute the earth. I don't want to contribute to the advancement of technology. The cognitive dissonance of relying on technology in my life while resenting its existence is troubling. I have to find a compromise.